Keto: The orgasmic apple experience.

Its crazy for me to think that I used to just eat food. Just eat it.

Can you imagine? I just put it in my mouth, chewed it (maybe) and then it was gone. I didn’t think about it, I didn’t consider how it made me feel, what it was made of or what it was doing to me.

I just put it in my mouth, chewed and it was over.

I like a lot of things about the Keto diet. Most of them I have heard a million times from a million people, but my favourite thing about eating in this way is the pure enjoyment I get from food now.

I don’t mean that I eat something and then just sit back saying, “man, that was good”. I mean that I literally groan with pleasure at my first bite of steak. I sensually lick spoons covered in (lactose free) heavy cream. TMI I almost came biting into an apple with some peanut butter on it.

I’ve eaten thousands of apples in my life. Ive had them alone, with PB, with Nutella, even baked. Were any of them memorable? Not really. But I can think back to this half an apple that I was determined to savour over the whole week. WHAT?! Make an apple last a week? Who am I?

I was the person that would go to sonic, buy a breakfast burrito and a grilled cheese (before my lactose free days RIP bowels) and eat one while I drove home, so I wouldn’t be temped to eat my actual meal before I could sit down and actually focus on eating it. I called it my road snack.


I didn’t have the will power to literally drive 2 minutes in the car with a breakfast burrito, so I had to buy another MEAL to occupy my mouth so I wouldn’t eat it.

Well, look at me now.

Now, i can eat an apple over a week and not feel weird about it. Some might say that that is too restrictive, but it works for me and makes me feel good. I’m telling you now, if I sit and have a banana or an apple all at once, I would get the sweats and pass out for a 2 hour nap. Which, by the way, is what used to always happen to me after I ate fruit and I just thought it was normal.

People always nap after eating , its the american way, right?

Things I don’t moderate well: mineral water, I drink about 2-3 a day (Liters, ladies, Litres), dark chocolate, normally I have 95% dark, but Woolworths is sold out all the time, so I got 85% and it tastes like a Snickers, and Pork Rinds, there are 3 different kinds in my apartment and it takes all that I have not to dip them in peanut butter.

Bottom line is:

I’m feeling awesome. My partner’s AI symptoms have almost completely vanished, I don’t know what to do with his energy actually. My partner and I have had an “off plan” meal when his family from Germany visited and we just hopped back on, not missing a beat and actually didn’t feel bad at all. All of this has motivated us to keep going and to keep being the best possible people we can be for each other.

Also low-sugar me is wayyyy less of a b–ch. Jussayin’.

If you have made it this far, thank you for not being appalled by me feelings about the aforementioned apple. And PLEASE give me ideas of what I can use as a vehicle for PB into my mouth. As I was typing this, I thought that the chocolate is a good idea and I will start that immediately, but the pork rinds are not good. Any advice will be well-received.

Annnnnd if you’re new to keto, travel, are in a LDR, moving or your life is falling apart due to depression please reach out 🙂 This page is all over the place, but all of those topics apply.


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