I know these times might not last, but after so long feeling like utter kaka, it feels good to just be able to lie on the couch without falling into a mental tunnel that makes me think about every terrible thing that I have thought in the last 4 months.
Some things have changed to make this possible.
I’m feeling better physically.
I have been back on Keto for the last 3 months now (and my Boyfriend too!!) and this has made a HUGE improvement in my overall mental and physical health. We are a little more extreme, making it low-inflammation Keto, so all the food that we get is as anti-inflammatory as we can get it (for beau). There have been some setbacks as well. I am having the worst flare-up of my psoriasis that I have ever had. I’m losing hair and might have to give up dairy completely! Goodbye Pauls Lactose-free heavy cream!! You beautiful demon! I am more than willing to make those sacrifices, if that means we can keep feeling as good as we are.
I’m working now.
I wanted to find work so badly so that I could contribute financially to our relationship, save for the huge visa expense, and to have something productive to do aka not just being a potato. I thought that is all that I would get form working, but almost as important is the social aspect.
I get to go to work almost every day and talk to people that I like but am not forced to hang out with in a social environment. I can crack jokes, share work struggles, and the best part, they never knew me during the struggling few months I had after moving here.
They don’t know that I cried everyday and had anxiety attacks for months, they don’t know about all the fights my partner and I have had, they don’t know any of my baggage.
All they know is that I’m a new person from the states that works there now. And it is so REFRESHING.
I like that everyone in my life cares enough about me to ask how I am and do things to try to make me feel more at home, but sometimes I just want people to act like nothing is different, like Ive always been here and that I don’t need taking care of.
Ive always been a more secretive person. I want to struggle in silence and not tell anyone my plans or anything happening in my life (I didn’t even tell my BF fam that I got a new job until 2 weeks later).
Today I woke up on my day off, made breakfast for my partner and had a relaxing morning playing xbox. A few months ago, I never thought I would be this content again, but here I am..
feeling more content than I have in almost a year.
Today is good.