Love languages got a lot of hype a while back. It seemed like all of my girlfriends were obsessed with figuring out what language they love in and how they receive love best.
I love this.
I love any way to make human connection easier to express and explain to others. It made so much sense when I was reading about it why there are couples that seem so right for each other and then, one day, they implode because they didn’t feel loved enough, appreciated enough or felt like they were enough.
I was always shocked, because from my perspective, I could see all the ways the other person was showing that they loved the other.
That’s the problem, I guess. It’s always easier to see the obvious when you’re not in it.
I’ve been thinking about this in my relationship a lot.
My partner and I thought (in the beginning) that we both had the same love languages. We even took the quiz together and just laughed and laughed about how lucky we were to have so much in common. (eye roll)
Well, after moving in together and being together 24-7, you don’t just learn more about them, but SO much more about yourself.
Turns out, we could literally not be more different. We have spent the last almost 4 months in states of utter bliss and complete angry confusion. We have accused the other of not showing affection, love, appreciation or just general kindness. This isn’t because we don’t love each other, because nothing is further from the truth, but WHY cant we get it right??
After many long and teary discussions, the truth just came out. *drum roll*
We don’t love the same.
What is important to me, doesn’t even come up on his radar and vice versa. I feel like I do things all the time that show how much I care and appreciate him, but he doesn’t see it because it isn’t his language.
It’s like if I was dating someone who spoke Mandarin and if I told him all the nice things that I like about him, he wouldnt know what I was saying or what I meant. I could be cursing him for all he knew.
That’s how it is with us. It feel like we are literally learning a new language and when we “speak” to each other, it has to be in a way that is receptive for the other and we have to have hope and faith that the other will, in turn, speak to us in our language, so we can both feel “heard”.
I feel like I have had a big revelation with this and I know people who have been in much longer relationship that this will think “Nah, Duh”, but it wasnt that obvious to us.
It feels good to have finally turned this corner, but I know there are much more difficult roads ahead.
With health, visas and personal baggage, it seems like we cant catch a break. I know in the end, it will all be worth it, but, damn, I’d like the uiverse to throw me a bone or at least a (carb free) beer.