Fear of Getting What You Want.

What is with this feeling of always wanting something? Why can I (or people really) never just be happy with what they have and see the benefits in what they have been given?

I’m unemployed and constantly looking for work. Like, always. I have at least 10 tabs open all the time looking for nanny, reception, dog-walking, ANYTHING roles.

That’s understandable. It’s part of moving to a new country. You kinda have to start over. Got it. 

But, why? Why, why, why. When I finally get an interview somewhere or someone reaches out that maybe want to possibly consider hiring me, do I immediately wish I didn’t apply in the first place.

I always catch myself thinking..aww.. dang, I’m going to miss setting my own schedule and having all this time to fuck around and do whatever I want. I’m going to miss this.

Why cant I just get excited about actually having disposable income?

I have so many questions.

Good news: I’m getting some interviews. People are interested in me. Yay!

Bad news: I think I might be insane 🙂

2019 will be about reminding myself about all the benefits of the life I have and still being open to the life I could have (if I would just take a moment to stop complaining).

Woot! Woot!

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