Is This Depression?

Have you ever been so incredible bored that nothing sounds good. Like there isn’t an activity that exists that sounds like it’s worth getting up for?

I woke up this morning and to be honest, went to bed feeling that exact way. I was sitting on the couch, in the perfect position to watch TV, but I just couldn’t get myself to do it. I have games in the apartment I could have played, movies I could have watched, book I could have read, but nothing sounded..good.

I feel like I have never been this bored in my life. I’m just waiting for something to happen. I go to the gym, walk dogs, do online classes, but nothing is bringing me joy. Everyday it’s like I’m going to the dentist. It’s just a chore. Just stuff that NEEDS to be done.

Is this depression?

I always thought my depression showed in a heavy body and numb mind. When I’m lying in bed, staring at the wall and just.cant.get.up.

But this is different.

Sure, I woke up and just lied there staring at the curtain for what felt like forever, but I wasn’t numb. I was just bored, uninterested and a little pessimistic about how the day is going to go.

I used to like weekends. Used to look forward to them. I would plan things to do and get excited.

That was back when I only had to rely on myself to have a good time. If my friends cancelled, no biggie, I’ll just go alone.

Now, I try not to make plans, because I know they probably wont happen. Now I have to rely on my partner. We are supposed top be together on weekends, so if one for us doesn’t feel like doing anything, then we don’t do anything and i am back to feeling like an animal in a cage.

We planned to go out for breakfast this morning at a cafe that sells Keto food. I’m awake. It’s 10:40am. Breakfast is almost over. I guess it’s good I didn’t get my hopes up.

Thanks for reading.

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