I thought it would be simple. Most of my decisions are.
I met someone, fell in love, now we MUST be together. Simple. I’ll just hop over there, start a new life and things will just work themselves out.
We love each other, so that’s already simple. Nothing can go wrong there *huge eye roll*.
I don’t have a job or know what I am qualified to do in this new country, but that shouldn’t affect things *noch ein eye roll, bitte*
I have a history of anxiety/panic attacks, but nothing about this situation should trigger them and I should DEFINITELY not warn my partner about them in case, they, I don’t know, happen in front of his whole family in public. Noooooo.. *insert eye roll here*.
Well, I think you can see where this is going.
I quite like doing things that seem a bit dramatic; “Extra” is what the youths would call me.
I think I like to punish myself as well. For what? I have no idea. Maybe I just like to challenge myself? I honestly don’t have the faintest why I put myself in situations like this and then just complain and wish for the opposite, just to go back and do the same thing again. Human nature? Stupidity? Boredom?
Por qué no los
The why isn’t that important (right now). Right now, I think it is the right things to do to reflect, learn and spread my seeds of experience out there into the stratosphere for all to ignore or (preferably) learn from, so you don’t have to start crying at the dinner table when your partners parents ask if you want a beer.
You’re planning on moving? For love. You might be thinking, like I did, what could go wrong? It’s Love! Nothing.
Here comes the advice.
Do NOT Move During or Right Before the Holidays.
I don’t care if you’re not that religious and don’t celebrate, I don’t care that you don’t really do anything with your real family, so you wont miss much, I don’t care that it’s the best time of the year and it’ll be so nice to spend it with your love.
I never even consider that this was going to be an issue because of all the reason listed above. But being somewhere new, adjusting to the way of life when everything is in Christmas holiday mode makes everything much more difficult. The stores are open at weird hours, people are out at weird times, normal food isn’t in stock and THE TOURISTS! Dear God, the tourists…
It’s much easier to transition somewhere new during a normal, not intense time of year.
At least in Germany, the seasons were the same as the States. I could expect there to be cold weather and warm drinks. Not here in Sydney. It is hot, muggy, there are heaps of bugs, not a warm beverage in sight and everyone is in vacation beach mode.
None of these things are bad separately, but when everything else in your life is upside down, it’s just that one extra thing that stresses your mind and body.
Couple that with moving in with a new partner and things can get a bit…tense.
Also, and this is arguably the biggest issue. When you arrive near the holidays, then you have to then go out and get presents for the entire family. This means that the money you saved up gets used much faster right after arriving. So, when I thought I’d be spending $600 a month and it turned into $1500, it made me a bit testy. But you cant act tense, because it’s the holidays and everyone is cheery and their lives are great, so you just cry at the dinner table and drink more than the recommended about of wine.
Ok, that was a bit of a rant and I need to move onto the next topic before I trigger myself again.
Learn How Your Partner Lives Their Life Without You
What are their habits like as a single person living alone, with friends or with their parents. They likely have a pretty set routine. It’ better to know this before, so you can already talk about the changes that might happen. No surprises for anyone! Not today!
If you had a lot of in-person time before moving, then you might have already figured this out. If not, this is for you.
I didn’t have much time with my partner before we made this grand plan. We had 3 months of casual dating in Germany, then the classic talk everyday on the phone gist, 2 weeks in an Air Bnb in Sydney and then I moved. So, there was not a lot of time to see how we eat handled cleaning, tidying, routines and everything that falls between.
We talked about it a little, but not in enough detail as I found out later.
Questions to ask:
How do you want to split cooking and cleaning?
Does one person cook and the other clean, do you have a preference, or should you play it by ear?
What is your laundry schedule like?
Everyday? once a week? Never? Do you hang clothes or just trust the dryer not to destroy everything?
Do you have any nice items that I should try not to destroy?
Pots and pans? Shirts and pants? This could really be for anything.
Can I wear your clothes whenever I want?
We are getting more into the questions that I really wanted answers too.
Do you pee in the shower?
Are you okay with having a Squatty Potty?
Can I wake you p at 6am to tell you about my dream?
How much sarcasm in daily conversation is too much sarcasm?
Do I really need to see your parents every week or can you just go alone?
Do you always eat potato chips with chopsticks or is this a special occasion?
I think you can see where this is going. Ask some questions, make up your own, what every is most important to you. But, I can now tell you that the fewer surprises, the better.
I used a pretty simple word, because this is a pretty simple concept. Talk.
I tried the whole ‘fake it ’til you make it’ schtick. It didn’t work.
It made me more moody and less loving. My partner had no idea what I was thinking and that caused fights and mean words.
Tell them before you arrive that it might be hard for you at first, but you’re committed to making it work. Also, that if they need to say anything, you are open to listening, even if it makes you mad, even of it’s not what you want to hear. You need to be open to hearing it. If you blow up every time they try to talk, you’re not being the person that they want to tell the truth to and that just wont work in this high-stress scenario.
Have any tips for newly-moved, fresh-relationshipers? I’m always looking for ways to make the transition easier. Let me know!
Have you just moved? Just thinking about it now? Where are you going? I love to hear stories of people moving for love and hear what their experiences are like.
I hope this helped 🙂