[impromptu post fueled by my panic and emotions, enjoy!]
I love moving. I love traveling.
But there is always this moment (and momentsssss) where your stomach sinks and you think “is this the right choice? is it worth it?”
This is the moment when all the tiny doubts that you pushed away come back and seem to take up all of your consciousness. My theory is that when you are this close to a move, you are obviously feeling a bit if excitement and anxiety and you’ve been busting your ass to get you to where you are. Maybe you’re done with all your prep work, you’ve packed, all of the tickets are bought and now you are in this sitting duck stage.
The thing is, your body probably isn’t used to feeling..dare we say it? Relaxed.
When you make a big move, domestically or internationally, it seems like you are moving mountains. Most of the time you don’t have time to think about the consequences of your actions. you just keep pushing through and let the momentum of the decision guide you.
When you stop, however, the thoughts don’t. As soon as all of your distractions are gone, all the ‘what-ifs’ don’t have anything else to compete with and they COME FOR YOU!
That’s the stage that I’m going through now.
The “What the fuck have I done!!” stage.
I had a happy life in Germany, I love Germany, I spent 5 years learning German and finally had a stable life there. Why would I want to disturb that to move to the other side of the world???!
I guess for the same reason that I left my comfortable life in the states: for change.
For me, change has always been positive. Every time that I thought I was making a mistake, it actually ended up opening doors for new and positive experiences.
I had to write this today, because I am in the depths of hell with these emotions today and had to write it down to shed some light on these feelings for myself and for others.
Australia is going to be brand new to me. Settling down for longer than a year will be a new thing for me (this is what I am most nervous about), and being so far away will be new.
I try to keep reminding myself why I am doing this, what I have done so far to accomplish this goal and that as soon as I get there, I know everything will be different.
I don’t know if there is anything anyone can do to overcome this feeling of impending doom before a bog move, but if you have any advice, I’d sure love to hear it.
My ‘go-to’ when I need to get re-excited about moving to a new place is to think about my favorite things about the new city.
For example, when I start doubting if I’m going to enjoy Sydney, I think about..
- free water everywhere (yo girl is a thirsty bitch)
- free restrooms (kind of goes hand in hand with #1)
- Coffee galore!
- The restaurant ‘The Char’ is the best place I ave ever had food EVER and I still have dreams about it. So, I think, well I have to go back at least just to eat there one more time.
[I’m in the US now and there is free water and toilets, but in Germany they were fw and far between, hence my excitement]